I’m coming clean y’all. As we approach the end of another year, and as we discern preciousness of life I have to be like Paul, and lay aside every weight. So I wanted to share with you what I won’t be doing in November and the months to come. There won’t be a nare notha day in my life (by the grace of God) that I subject myself to the following:
1.Asking myself “Am I doing enough?”
I’m a self-admitted over achiever…I know this. It can be traced back to elementary school to the chocolate bar fundraisers where I wanted to win the grand prize for the most bars sold. Or maybe it stems from the middle child syndrome (I’m #2 of 4 kids). When it comes to parenting, leading in ministry, serving in my sorority, and as an entrepreneur I’ve time and time again asked myself, “Am I dong enough?” Are the boys excelling high enough in school, are they eating the right foods, should they be in a more challenging program? I’ve questioned if I’m offering enough to the women I lead in ministry to grow stronger in the Lord, is someone feeling left out, am I hitting every segment of our Sisterhood community? Have I turned over every rock, asked enough questions, or gone the extra mile, and prayed hard enough to see my dreams realized? What I learned is when I do this I am not operating within God’s grace and allowing Him to be the difference make, but I am trusting on my ability alone. Be weary of these kind of people too, they can never be satisfied and will try to drive you crazy reaching for perfection. Nevertheless, what I won’t be doing this any longer, but instead focusing on the areas deep inside I KNOW I’m not investing enough in. Are you doing enough in your relationship with God, your marriage, your personal development?
I already know what you’re thinking…when you assume, you make an a$$ out of yourself. Why hasn’t this notion fully penetrated mind is another question? I assume the best of folks, I assume they are knowledgeable and can get the job done. I assume they know how much our relationship means to me, so certain actions are a given. I assume since you lead a department, obtained a higher degree, and are a parent you know the importance of timeliness, excellence and doing what you said you would do. These bumps in the roads have allowed me to be a better listener, friend, and leader. If I am expecting something, I’m going to come right out and say it. If I need you and miss you, I’m going to ensure that you know it and collectively plan for time together. Assuming only makes you frustrated when the outcomes doesn’t meet your expectations. Author, Mike Foster said, “clarity creates accountability” So if you struggle in this area, be sure you are clearly communicating your needs and desires as it relates to work, family, and ministry.
3. Being anxious
This one was inspired by two close people in my life and their recent social media post. I’ll let their post speak for themselves.
I’ll leave you with this, Philippians 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
4. Wanting “it” more for others than they do for themselves
I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure if this is completely the “Christ-like” approach, but it’s so draining to constantly want more for someone than they do for themselves. It’s heart breaking to see people being used and abused under your nose. It’s like every new boyfriend they get is the same guy wrapped in a different body. In your mind you’re like, “are you falling for this again?” You see people go through the same unhealthy cycles over and over again neglecting the potential inside of them and forfeiting the abundant life God has for them. Now maybe what I need to do is draw a healthy line in these relationships. The inner coach in me always wants to save, advise, encourage and see people operating at their optimum level. But just like the old adage says, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” So from now on, I’m going to release myself of the burden I put on myself that somehow I am their savior. No way that’s Jesus! I can give words of wisdom, try to be a place of accountability, and help where I can, but understand they have to want it, they have to come to the point in their lives like the prodigal son and realize better has their name on it. Just remember, what you begin to do for others as a precedent, they will always expect and require from you.
PLEASE let me know your thoughts and leave comments. I know I’m not the only one who needs to draw a line in the sand.